tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
