He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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