I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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