Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
