May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
