I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
worst night to have a conscience
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs