What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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