I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
