So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
