Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
