Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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