upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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