and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
