Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
