Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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