Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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