I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The best revenge is premature balding
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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