we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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