well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
