I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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