I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
