So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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