whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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