Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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