That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
