Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sorry about my life...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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