my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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