dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
