Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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