You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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