he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
