living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
