he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
