Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
