Can Purell be used as lube?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
