Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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