Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
