I just saw a hot homeless man
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
