i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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