Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just forgot I was standing up.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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