How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
