the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
