didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
