I'm lost and stupid without you.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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