your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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