new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
