The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
