Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
