when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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