guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
