no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
