He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
