i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
