He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
