Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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