Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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