There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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