giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
