i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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