Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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