WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
