Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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