So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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